Now that you’ve decided to be friends with me, there a few things you need to know about my behaviour in this matter and my mind-set.
It is important for you to know that in my job everybody gets a second, third, or whatever chance to redeem themselves as long as they can be seen to try. It is for this reason that I do not take the acting of de-friending lightly. Once I have chosen to friend you, I am committed to try and keep our relationship to the best of my abilities. I am human and will falter; but I promise I will try.
I have been near the epicentre of a few spats on here, and gained criticism for not taking sides. This was deliberate on my part. I will sympathise, empathise and offer you all the support I can but I will not blindly cut people off purely because you have had an argument with them. I keep contact in the hope of building bridges, not to diss you behind your back. If I have a problem I will tell you.
Which brings me neatly onto another point. In Real Life you can charge up to someone, bang on their door, and demand to know what the hell is going on! The situation can then be quickly resolved. Alas, you cannot do this on LJ. Instead, you face being blocked, filtered out, and anything else that anonymity provides you with.
The whole landscape of cyber friendship is puzzling when you first come onto LJ. Where are the codes of conduct, for instance? I mean, I know the general ethical standpoint (having had to deal with that in a computer course) but social psychology doesn’t provide bullet points for this. I have asked what you are supposed to do, or are allowed to do, once someone de-friends you. Nobody seems to know.
So, in light of that, I will tell you that I will do what I have normally done in my life:-
if knowing me causes you any possible harm, I will retreat and leave you be. I won’t comment on your public posts and won’t contact you unless you give me permission to. If that is still not enough, please let me know and I will remove you from my friends list ASAP. No reason is necessary, and I won’t question you about it. This, after all, is your choice; and I will respect your wishes.
Not to say that I won’t hate to see you go, but people move on and tastes change. I accept and understand that.
So what do you get out of knowing me? Hmm. That’s difficult to say exactly.
· Lots and lots of silly posts where I drone on about actors I love and things that amuse me.
· Numerous pieces of fanfiction featuring the same beloved actors; and
· The occasional video that I’ve found.
· I also offer support whatever your idea may be. I have been described as being a ‘cheerleader’; not a term I’m comfortable with, to be honest [aren’t pretty, popular girls in films called ‘cheerleaders’? because that certainly isn’t me]
· A listening ear, no matter what your problem is. And I never reveal your deepest darkest secrets to anyone, not even my husband [he is on a need-to-know basis with everything, in case you were wondering] although I tell him my secrets. The ONLY time I broke a secret was because I was certain the friend in question was about to commit suicide (this was back when I was a teenager) and I was terrified she would. As it turned out she didn’t, her mum was very grateful, but I sort of lost that friendship.
· The chance to meet up
when the planets line up when I can get to a set place if my head allows it.
· I won’t ditch you just because someone else tells me to. In fact, being told to do so always makes me more determined to hold onto someone, I find. Unless it’s a marauding spouse, of course….
· On the odd occasion I genuinely get angry with someone [it has been known to happen], and when it does, I go quiet. Just leave me be and I’ll come round again soon because I know it won’t last.